Life and Literature

Cannot break through the shell you placed me in Always told myself love wasn't made for me This feeling boxes you in Throws away the key by it self But I loved love.  You see; that is confusing and I know The air we breath; the smile across my lips The look that draws you in That?, that for me is love. I wonder why you tried so hard to prove me right The tongue can not help but speak the words The body just feels The heart though is in no wrong but doing it's job. It is the soul. That free and damming thing That's the one The one that battles That the man that jails you. You share no part in the guilt it presents All you did was draw me in I get it; Don't get me wrong Stated clearly you will make no promises The realist in me adored that Here I am trying to figure out who put me in this ice box Imagine being pulled into a whirlwind Freezing with no blanket of words or comfort A friend though I find at the buttom of my misery Wor...

Find myself texting you more often than not What I do with the rest of my time is think of you Not necessarily why I ended things Nor was it the fact that I was OK not hearing from you. I usually chunk it to knowing it was over before either of us took action. True if I dare say so myself Though, that thing where my heart skips a beat when I caught a glimpse of you Or the sheepish smile when I see an item I thought you would love That thing is annoying. You have made an impact in my life Whether I care to admit it or not I learn a little piece about me with each of you. But I never seem to hold on to anybody I doubt I have ever wanted to. Don't blame yourself too much Not that you did or you would ever Just that if the thought did occur Refrain from holding on to it. I would love to know sometimes that it did. It will be my pleasure to know someday you lived a full life

There is beauty to be seen. We like to see the evil and be blind to it. Beauty as we know it goes beyond. The scars? I inherited them, Patches them up So i can be called beautiful  Is it in your desolate nature? Or the stacks of clothing i cannot get behind  Pilling on the very existence that is us  Lost, lost indeed Find me, Finding who i am Do not look at the algae There is always an untold story Just ask How at all ages Pain comforts.

Remember the first day you touched me?  I do faintly. Your voice was coarse and smooth Your hands did not shake when it glazed over my skin The memory of sweet and clean pungent smell As you rubbed it on yourself The noise as the strokes became faster The feel of you trying your possible best to push. I try to forget but it was not the first time and today I decided not to fight back. Somehow I was starting to get used to the idea. Welcoming and looking forward to it even. Knowing, expecting and being disappointed when you were not around when I got back. I did not fully comprehend what was happening but the guilt would not leave me. My ear had heard the threatening words so much so that I wasn't afraid to tell. Instead I hated you and yet I wanted to protect you when everything I could hold on to. I was exposed beyond healing, and somehow i felt unimprisoned.

I have become so desperate to hear the words i love you To have some one show me Their meaning of love I cannot figure out why It may seem it was not said to me enough as a child Maybe it was neither expressed as well nor was i allowed to express it. Do i even understand what love is? I crave a feeling, An emotion i do not understand Barely holding on to my sanity Looking around for flimsy excuses I tell myself i can also be loved Looking for this tangible intangible emotion everywhere Once bitten twice shy is a phrase i am yet to understand Everyone keeps taking a bite out of me Am only happy to oblige hearing the words 'i love  you'. If at any point i feel a connection One i understand; i will gladly lay my self to be used as my captive prefers. What are you Who are you Why can i not be without you Where is the essence of you I want to want you back Only you were never gone

Sometimes i loose all myself reassurance Sometimes i feel like it's a little odd, you know ... You met me and i was strong and bold And i am strong and bold don't get me wrong It's just with you i recoil, recoiling into my shell The shell that i didn't even know that i had I am shaken when i see you and When i don't see you i go crazy. I know if you had asked me a couple of years ago; I would never had thought i was jealous But i know now, i am. And i know i have a jealousy, but then A calm and calculating jealousy And am afraid of it. I'm afraid i can find something out and keep it Keep it because at a point i don't want to hurt you At a point i don't want to hurt myself Crazy i know How much i love you so much that sometimes i don't even consider myself. Seeing how i become undone with insecurities Anyone looking in would not figure how, How fragile a touch from you makes me. Reveal yourself Reveal the you i cannot get behi...

I wished with all 10 stars you would not say hello The day i met you Keep trying to put things right or maybe off Though all these scenarios are in my head Doubt you know this; i tried to avoid you l know now, stars are not worth my trust Hello you said Followed the easiness and laughter like i have known you all my life All i could think about is, if i really was doing this. Saying yes Yes to an adventure, One i am scared off Stuck in my favorite place between sleep The place of uncertainty Again, that too is my favorite place That is my calmness Today though there is this sweet feeling that calls to me You seem to be my comfort Glad i met you. Today the adventure really was complete Butterflies refuse to settle Knowing my favorite place is safe Always say yes I woke up this morning with butterflies But that is to assume i slept at all Funny, but it really It is not